It was midnight. I couldn't sleep. I knew he was sleeping in the living room, in the couch that I was so jealous of, for I wasn't allowed to cuddle him, to feel the warmth of his body, to hear his heart beating in the stillness of the night, as he rests in my arms.
I looked outside the window and saw the deserted streets of London, dark and distant, just like him. I looked at the stars, the way the shined in the black velvet around them, just like his razors. The stars and my love and longing for him were the only things that remained the same after all those years. If he only knew
I looked at the clock. It was a quarter past twelve. Time was running so slowly. Why couldn't I get him out of my mind, just for that night, so I could find some peace? I had to see him. I knew I shouldn't but I had to.
I got out of the bed and walked to the door of my bedroom. I stood there for a while, trying to convince myself to get back to bed. I didn't make it. I opened the door and faced the hallway that was leading to the living room.
Before I knew it I was there, kneeling on the floor, beside him. Our faces were so close
If he had moved a bit our lips would have met, but if he had opened his eyes I would have been dead before I could gasp. I didn't leave though. I could feel his breath on my face and I found myself trembling. Oh God, he was so close and yet so far away.
I slowly moved my hand and stroke his hair. They were so soft, softer than I had imagined. Suddenly a tide of emotions went through me. I had to. I knew I shouldn't but I just had to.
I closed my eyes and moved my face towards his, until I felt his lips on mine. They felt so cold and yet so inviting. I started kissing him. Tears were running down from my face to his, as he responded to my kisses. I was in heaven. I couldn't part my lips from his and I don't regret that I didn't. I started shivering. He kissed me with so much passion as if he was to drink me down. I never thought that a kiss could feel like this, not even in my wildest dreams. I forgot about the pie shop, the judge, the murders
I only knew that he was kissing me as eagerly as I kissed him.
When our lips parted, for I was out of breath, I realized that he had not wakened. He was mumbling something in his sleep. I moved closer so I could hear
I felt like somebody had just pulled the earth under my feet and I fell to the empty space. I couldn't breathe. We had just kissed and he was dreaming about her. I stood up and looked at him. Tears began to flow again, only now they were tears of pain. I ran into my room. I locked the door and laid on the bed. Everything seemed lifeless. Even the stars were not shining as bright as they did before. I fell asleep after a while with his kiss on my lips and his rejection in my heart.
When I woke up my eyes were burning. It seems that I've been crying all night. I stood up and headed to the mirror. I look at myself. I looked at my lips and put a finger on them, pointlessly trying to bring back the sensation.
I would go back that night. I wouldn't stop even if he called me Lucy. It was enough that I could kiss him and love him even if he didn't love me.
It was midnight. I didn't give it much thought. I just went to the living room. I kneeled beside him as I did the night before. I kissed him the moment my knees met the ground. He kissed me back just like the last time. I climbed on the couch and pressed my body against his. I held him. He held me.
I was in my wedding dress, in a huge white room with the largest windows I have ever seen. I could feel a breeze coming from the ocean. I couldn't describe how I felt. Even now I am not sure.
And then I looked down and I saw it.
I saw my lifeless body in a pool of blood. He stood there by me. He kneeled beside me. He touched my lips. He took out his razor again. It had blood on it. He cut a curl from my hair. He threw the razor away. He walked out of the room, leaving me alone. I felt my heart breaking. "Don't cry love